Assignment # 11

Exercise #1: First step

One of the next steps toward my goal is to graduate with a bachelors degree, which I will accomplish this May. So there isn't a lot to blog about except that I am hanging in there till and busting by butt in all my classes and hopefully I get good grades this semester.

Exercise #2: Reflecting on Fear.

1. The type of resistance that I would say I am facing right is the uncertainty of the future and the frustration of time and obstacles (...getting good grades in classes, retaking classes, talking to pharmacists and professors for letter of recommendations, improving myself personal and professional..e.tc) that keeps coming up and getting in the way of the steps that I need to take to accomplish my goal.
2. This issues manifest themselves for me through crippling anxiety, fear and utter hopelessness, which have had a great impact on my academic course work and self-esteem. Even though I know and understand very well that people reach their goals at different time or in a different ways there is always that constant inner voice that presents itself in a negative way, which reveals my inner fears and insecurities every time I try to overcome them.
3. I would have to say it is a combination of both stage fright and survival fear, but there is more survival fear than stage fear. I am a very naive person, which is the reason why I am quiet and prone to making a lot of mistakes. Even though I know this about myself every time I study for a test and I know I will do good, I always experience stage fright, because all this thoughts of what if I don't do good even though I have study as much as I can starts to creep into my mind and never goes away, which always affect how I perform on a test. This eventually leads to survival fear, because if I do not perform well on a test (just one freaking test) I start to doubt myself and the uncertainty of my future starts to creep in and brings upon me fear and anxiety and I start questioning if the career path I have chosen is right for me, or if I am ever going to make it into pharmacy school and if I have to change career what would I do, because I really don't know.
4. I really can't say I know the underlying messages expect for probably that's the way the mind deals with obstacles and hardships of life, so as to in still hard work and various ways to accomplish a goal.... probably like a reverse psychology mechanism that the human mind uses to test, motivate, and encourage different methods or ways to accomplish certain goals that we human being put our mind to in order to achieve fulfillment in life. Sure this might be a cruel joke by the mind and explains why a lot of people give up or fail in their pursuit for fulfillment in life, but it's those people that keep going and never give up in face of an obstacle or failure that eventually achieve their goals.
5. The way I moved through my fears is I just stop caring and paying attention to them, when they present themselves I just ignore them and just keep plowing through any obstacles that presents itself and stops me from achieving my goal and it doesn't matter how I plow throw them as long as they fall.